A LITTLE MORE CHURCH PSYCHOLOGY

       As a pastor I look out at my congregation each Sunday after exhaustingly studying a portion of text that I think will matter to the people in their personal alignment with God and His perfect will.  There are times when I believe that I have really hit the nail on the head and I look out and see people dozing, people on their phones, chatting with each other, teens cavorting and punching one another, and others slouched down in intense boredom.  I feel like a grade school math teacher…and I would like to take this time to sincerely apologize to all of mine.  So, I ask this question, why do you go to church?  You can easily stay in your pajamas and watch on line, or have your very own church service in your home with your family, why bother? 

For me, church is fun, teaching and learning about God is not a job, its my calling and my favorite thing to do.  My church is my family, actually the ONLY family that my wife and I have.  There is a certain rhythm that we understand in the order of the service, things that need to be done, and spiritual, mental, moral, and physical actions to complete…all done 24 hours a day, 7 days a week, all year long.

But, I have noticed psychologically, there is a darker side to some who attend church.  I dug into some studies from Cornell University, British Columbia University, and Columbia University and found some interesting research on what I would call “church psychology.”  Sadly, no or few seminaries teach this although they will brush on the surfaces of pastoral counseling, theological integration with psychology, and leadership dynamics, but none really hone in on the details of this.

Let’s start with my favorite—the church narcissists.  There are the narcissists who don’t attend to worship God, they go to be worshipped, to gain and maintain control or to have and abuse power.  I read a psych study once that talks about these types of church-goers who poison the pew and divide churches and never once think that they are the problem.  Church is a great place to go for “narcissistic supply” as there are a huge number of those to feed this disorder. They are so insecure that they constantly need attention and to be told that they are “special.”  Yes, they are indeed special to God, but that is not who they are seeking in from.

To confront these types of congregants with Scriptural authority makes them feel like they are under a personal attack and they recoil and strike back like petulant children.  They register criticism like it is physical danger—there is no self-reflection, no prayerful contemplation, just hurt feelings.

For the narcissist in leadership, church is the ideal place to have a platform, a stage, and a congregation that often times are taught to never question leadership as that would be the same as questioning God Himself.  This conveniently allows the leadership to never prayerfully question themselves or face very ugly personal truths.  There really are no special educational requirements as anyone can get ordained on-line.  All these leader types need to do is perform their religious belief so convincingly that everyone believes them because they are an elder or a deacon, youth pastor, praise and worship team leader, giving them instant respect, instant authority and zero qualifications.  If someone finally sees behind thin veil and calls them out, again, the narcissist retaliates even going so far as to label a person as evil or Satanic.  Trust me I’ve seen it even within my own family—not mom or dad—but you get what I’m saying.  There next move is a whisper campaign to turn the whole congregation against that person who saw behind their mask.  These so-called Christian leaders eventually run everyone out who gets close enough to see what they truly are.  Everyone else not in tune with the discernment of the Holy Spirit only sees how wonderful, special, blessed, and emotionally tingly they are through their performance art.  Remember, all done to ensure they get the glory over God.

In the church there are what I consider the Machiavellians.  People trained to obey without question.  These are the people who are ALL about manipulation and power.  There are congregants and leaders who believe that church is a game of power and the only true morality is winning that game, i.e. being lauded for their feigned holiness, putting more people in the pews with emotional discourse versus theological logic.  Sadly, back to the morality issue, these psychological types do not even see their actions as wrong, rather they see themselves as more highly intelligent in this game called church.  Sadly, church gives these personality types an entire room of people to manipulate who don’t even know that they lost the game.  For me, I have been told by so many that this person “has a prophecy” for me, and they are so far off the mark I just stare at them blankly and tell them, “No you don’t.”  They get all incensed and leave, fine, but I am not going to tolerate or allow that type of manipulation.  These same people know the language, can quote the Scripture, they cry loudly during prayer, and volunteer for anything, simultaneously sizing up the weaker prey to pounce on.

Now, I can honestly say and assess that I have seen and analyzed more psychopaths in churches more than in the Marine Corps.  These are the people who don’t care about anyone or anything.  These are the people who sit and do nothing while others are suffering.  Their psychopathy has completely shut down any empathetic response in their brain.  Psychopaths can easily hide in churches because the church measures character by what people say and NOT by what they do.  “Peace be with you,” or “God bless you.”  Easy to say but difficult to illustrate.  If a person says they love God, another person, or even subtle reminders that Jesus saved them, well, no one really checks the gun data on that. The psychopaths are the great pretenders, it is almost as if they have a manuscript of what to say in any given instance of joy or sadness, and they too can quote all of the Scripture as per the script.  These psychopaths tend to “church hop,” as once they have either crushed who they wanted to crush or are found out, they move onto the next target.

I know this sounds odd, but there are sadists in the church.  The sadist doesn’t attend church to help people, rather they go or are in leadership positions because it gives them the authority to hurt people and somehow call it “God’s will.”  I know of situations where a pastor or youth leader would publicly call someone up in front of the entire church to confront them about a sin in their lives, leaving the person devastated and humiliated.  These everyday sadists gain power and pleasure from hurting someone—how sad is that?  And I have seen it happen!  Pastors publicly shaming a church member is considered an “exercise in authority.”  A pastor’s personal counseling a woman on sexual promiscuity is considered “accountability.”  An elder who counsels a family is considered “protecting the flock.”  The sadist is not rebuking sin, they are actually getting off on it.

       The church holds the premise of mandatory forgiveness.  A Machiavellians so-called Christian gets caught stealing, they cry at the altar, and the church forgives.  The psychopath gets caught manipulating a family and they immediately quote Scripture about grace and the congregation forgives them.  Forgiveness is the “get out of jail free card.”  Church in America is the only institution where the barriers to power are so low, the access to vulnerable people is so high, and accountability is rare or non-existent.  My end recommendation is that your faith is deeply personal, be highly curious, look at all and identify all of these psychological characteristics.  Narrow it down to money, control, and power.  Pray about it, read and know your Scripture, and as the dad would say, “The good Lord willing”—you’ll make wise choices with discernment from the Holy Spirit.

       Lastly, considering evolutionary biology, there are two groups in churches—those who work and those who do nothing but want to reap the benefits.  One group is altruistic and the other group as per the aforementioned psychological models are fractious.  Jesus was pretty clear on this concept in Matthew, Mark and Luke, it is better to establish a boundary with them.  There should be a clear separation between those who want to obey God and those who don’t.  After all, they have all seen, read, and heard the same message.  Well, shake the dust off of your feet and move on and quit casting your pearls before the pigs who just are blind to Truth.