SELF CRITIQUE

Sometimes I feel like I’m going a little crazy.  Granted, I have severe PTSD and my nightmares are horrific.  I pray about this all of the time as it all is so utterly exhausting.  Certain combat scenarios are especially disturbing and make me not want to go back to sleep after I wake up in a cold sweat, heart rate goes high, and my arms and legs flail.  I self-assess in perpetuity.  There are days on end that I can’t even leave the property.  There are days when I have to really ground myself and get psyched up just to go to the store.  I have done all of the brain science studies as a participant as well as exhaustive research.  The same with psychology and patterns that exist.  So, couple this with severe Traumatic Brain Injury, I tend to isolate and cocoon…it just seems more wise and definitely safer for me.

I also bounce this off of the trendlines that I see in society, as it is statistically showing us that society is getting more and more crazy every day.  I was reading a study that shows there are two main forces at work in our government and even the church contributing to the deterioration of our collective psyche. 

The first is identity politics and this therapeutic culture.  As a pastor and former high-level military planner and operator, I have to use conscious, wise judgment as this forms the values of what and how to think with intention.  Meanwhile my subconscious mind controls impulse emotions and instincts.  As a society in governance and church it seems that we are inverting the order of rational thought with emotion.  Politicians do it in every session for political theater and the clergy do the very same thing in performance art of playing on emotion rather than fact.  Impulse grievance and emotion drives politics, and performance art from the pulpit has replaced sound theological principles.  It seems that emotion over-rides judgment and restraint across the entire spectrum of politics and religion.

Identity politics is the best way to explain this inversion.  Republican, Democrat, Catholic, Baptist,…pick a denomination and there are ALL reflections of identity politics and religion.  Wars and assassinations have occurred throughout history over all of this.  Feelings and emotions are treated as if they are sacred, while facts, products of conscious reasoning are treated as profane.  Trauma and drama have become the moral authority.  Identity over-rides character and sound, logical reasoning.  For example, government as well as, pick a church, is full of waste, fraud, and abuse.  Milton Friedman made the statement that the government doesn’t have any money and I would suggest the same about the church.  Yet, both agencies play on the emotions to take your money for power and control…and more of it all of the time.  Preachers with jets and Bentley’s, millionaire policitians with specialized healthcare, security detachments, their own drivers…none of this is rational as both elected officials and clergy are meant to serve and not take.

The rise in this therapeutic culture tells people they are never responsible for their reactions and their behavior is only the reaction against some past harm or danger—now everyone has a trigger.  Politics uses systemic racism to maintain the divide, toxic masculinity, or the evil patriarchy.  Clergy use guilt or just float away on the raft of God’s grace.  None of these teach or hold people personally accountable. Corrupt politicians only get richer and the clergy just gets fatter…and our society allows it all to happen.  Now because of these “triggers” and micro-aggressions turn into a weakened conscious personality.  Politicians cannot get elected or re-elected if they use logic and can blame everything on the other side.  Clergy us their position as a job instead of a calling.  PTSD veterans use their PTSD to excuse bad behavior.  By constantly falling back on the easy excuse blame game, no one is putting forth the mental rigor of logic and rational thought.  It is interesting to watch and even see the impact it has on my own psyche and faith.

I often ask and assess myself on those things that I don’t like or agree with.  The greater “church” is no different than each political party.  Let’s face it, we ALL want to be right, but what tools are we using to assess that brand of truth or faith…fact-based logic or irrational emotion?  I always pray that I never invert my conscious with my unconscious as that turns into a self-licking ice cream cone and achieving no tangible results.

My father, one of the greatest Biblicists and orators I have ever known told me once, “I can’t pray you into Heaven, you have to do it on your own.”  Rites, rituals, denominations and political parties and other nonsense really don’t work with me as I can discern the good through prayer and study against the thin veneer of the abyss of vapid nothingness.  Our society today seems to be handing the keys of the city to the unconscious, vindictive mob mentality and therein lies this sense of Bolshevik freedom.  Are we really free?

Just some things to think about…if you are someone who actually thinks for themselves.  As always, I remind my fellow clergy…its NOT a job, it’s a calling of service to God and His guidance and direction in His word.  Remember, one book a week, the Bible every day, and pray without ceasing…it keeps us connected to our Creator which is OUR responsibility…after all, God is always there, it is we who disconnect the plug or cut the cord.