My First Prayer

Dear Heavenly Father—I sure am thankful for you. I am really thankful that you sent your son Jesus to endure this life as a proof source for what we endure. I’m afraid its getting worse and I truly believe we are in the last days and there is so little time. I sincerely thank you for forgiving me of all my sins, but I sure as heck have a tough time taking that forgiveness on board. As I read through this Your Word, it all is a sharp reminder of where I need help. Although I preach it and teach it, do I truly accept your perfect forgiveness that frees me from guilt? No I don’t, and I struggle with that. I can assure others of it but why can’t I apply it to myself?

I am more than willing to forgive others, but I hold a residual, I can’t say resentment, but a check in my spirit of being cautious when they come back to use me again. Dear God, I have given my all and have been left with nothing. Now, I need to put myself in check fire on that statement because I have YOU, so I apologize. How many times do I apologize to you in an average prayer? All of the time! I could NEVER repay you for all that you have done for me and I feel like such an unworthy servant. This all is just hard God. I’m tired. I’m wounded. And my heart breaks daily. Some days are so sad that I truly pray for You to come quickly. I'm just tired of hurting---such a sissy I am remembering how You so perfectly endured lies, betrayal, and the ultimate sacrifice.

Dear God, we have an electrical box in the church basement that is 60 years old and we will be dropped from the insurance if it doesn’t get replaced. God help us. It is going to cost some money.

Alright God, I’m back. I know you have the electrical box and everything else. I sm constantly reminded of the worst 24 hours in anyone’s life when Jesus was betrayed, abducted, judged, betrayed again, and judged and then thrown to the wolves. I know why You did it, I just don’t know how You could do it and how You could accept it so boldly. I can question the methodology, but I completely understand the “why” to change the face of following you for all time! This was immense and places all my issues a far second.

I’m so sorry I’m being myopic in my confines I just hurt tonight. I am so sorry. Please forgive me for internalizing all of this mundane junk and not fully trusting in You to handle the helm. Dear God, I give you all of the pain of these single mothers. I give you all of the damage done in so many men's lives I give you all of the church finances. I give you all of the junk I carry. I lay them all at the foot of the cross and have the faith to know that you will fulfill the need. I give it all to you God.

In Jesus Christ’s name I pray. So be it.