HOW I FALSELY USE FAITH & BEAT THE JUNK OUT OF MYSELF

                                                Boy, I do this all of the time.  I am rest-assured in my faith that I don’t think the devil can ever destroy or attack me but meanwhile I don’t have the introspection sometimes to look at myself—it gets ugly when I do.  Did I fall to peer pressure, society, my reading, my social media prompts, what?  Constantly I pray to God to fix the mess never realizing, now get this on the sincerity, of my most fervent prayers, that my prayers are just to cover up the choices or mistakes I refuse to change or repent from.  I mess this up all of the time in my prayers.

                                                Here is how I live…if all goes well, I will just disappear and there will be no way to get ahold of me, but I guarantee my wife will be holding a flaming arrow in her quiver, a bagpiper on a hill, and a bunch of Marines in a bar somewhere.  I figure I will be forgotten so I live in a way that is pure, righteous, and selfless, that while I am here, I belong to no one but God, me and my wife.  As for her, that crazy woman, I think passionately but very logically.  Maintenance is always cheaper than repair.  If I don’t maintain her which is not dismissive, rather it means to pay attention, I could eventually lose her.  Maintenance is SO much cheaper than loss physically, mentally, and morally.

                                                I see in my life all of the things I have learned before being able to do and essentially I have learned by doing through practice, failure, and reading the lessons of others.  I have learned to understand time and season and NEVER envy another person’s success—my personal success belongs and is defined by me. 

                                                For me, I’d rather be a wolf or lion that everyone fears than a donkey that everyone rides…although, I DO want a donkey as they are funny.  All I know is for the first time in my life I have a woman that loves me.  Her tone, her attitude, her habits are all aligned with NOT using me but NOT losing me and I likewise.  I ceased pretending as did she.  We have reduced 97% of our budget worrying about anything other than our next Scoreboard burger and just focusing on peace, God’s work, and our next adventure. 

                                                We write off anyone outside our boundaries, tell the truth, or  outlie anyone who disrespects us, even friends and family.  I’m much better with my “you’re dead to me” button then she is.  As a pastor and in the ministry I have been used and abused so many times it is stupid taking millions of dollars from my personal pocket to include man-hours—no kidding.  Up until 0430 last night with a veteran on the edge and having to move an 87 year old women who just lost her husband today.  I get it why Beta pastors bail on the mission at 10 years.

                                                On social media things are easy rather than direct confrontation as many of those cowards can brazenly be brave enough to confront you, but face-to-face…cowards.  Many will pretend to be your friend or family.  The cowards will smile to your face while always hiding their agenda and intentions.  Interestingly, because you are so strong, they falsely stand beside you perversely hoping you will fall and then betray you when you trust them most. 

                                                My faith and belief is just that I will die proudly with it.  Vote for Islam and DSA on the midterms…I have plenty of ammo.  I will NOT bend, break, or fold for the progressive liberal sympathizers and suicidal self-diagnosed empaths for whatever mental illness they crave for attention from!  Man and woman up!!!  With midterms coming, women burkha up no more need for hair salons, gays, transgenders, stand by, there is nothing under freedom of Jesus to find you.